Miloco 5-a-side Football 2008 - The Games Return!!
"Time for Heroes..."
Miloco 5-a-side is back, and thank God! Just as you thought your summer was subjected to watching friendlies between England and Vietnam on Channel 5, whilst vaguely paying attention to the triumphs of our continental rivals at Euro 2008, reading with trembling reluctance how our world-ranking slips further into the depths of shame by the day, Miloco have once again come to rescue the nation's sporting pride, in our true fire-fighting spirit.
Anyway, why should we endure another humiliating month of watching the WAGS getting plastered at football matches, when we can just gather the music industry for a kick-about and do that ourselves?
Makes sense doesn't it? So, the 2008 instalment of our now infamous 5-a-side fandango is on its way. This year, we shall be gathering once again at the lovely all-weather sports complex on Battersea Park, for what is expected to be yet another momentous occasion.
This year's date is set in stone: We shall be flying our sporting colours in the South-West London sunshine on the afternoon of
Thursday July 17, and we are asking for team entries as of now.
Last year we lured a personal record of 16 teams to play the competition, and there's no reason (depending on our mathematical form on the day) why there shouldn't be more this time around. So start gathering your troops to battle it out for music's most illustrious sporting title!
The usual prizes will be on offer, that is; free studio time, shiney trophies and gloriously tacky medals. Champagne will be rewarded to the athletically successful, whereas the unfit rubbish teams will be donated their fair share of beer, ensuring everyone's a winner.
Just a quick reminder of last year's quite fantastic tournament:
1st place: Aspire Entertainment - simply the best, better than all the rest.
2nd place: Virgin Records - silver-medals for the second year running, will it be third time lucky?
3rd place: ATC Management - their potential strength in depth was plain for all to see, will they clear the final hurdle this year?
4th place: Team Miloco - wasn't this suspicious. More really must be done to clean-up football.
So who'll be standing on the podium guzzling bubbly this year? To register a team contact Richard on 020-7232-0008, or email richard@miloco.co.uk. We are asking for teams to put themselves forward by June 17, in order for us to find a logistically-able brain to work out the numbers. It is 5-a-side, although we strongly advise you to round-up a squad of at least 7, because you will get utterly knackered.
**PLEASE NOTE** We've reached a limit of 20 teams for this year's tournament, however in the likelihod of somebody having to drop out, we are building a reserve list, so please get in touch if you are still interested in playing.
Here's the teams who have so far pledged their silky skills to July's showdown...
1. Big Life Management
2. Grand Union HiJack
3. SurReal Kilburn
4. Darling Department
5. Stephen Budd Management
6. Ark Records
7. Vita and the Vicious
8. KOSH
9. Dynamo Kebab
10. Aspire Entertainment
11. Miloco
12. Mindloop UK
13. FX Rentals
14. ATC Management
15. Damunki
16. CCCP (Camden City Club Players)
17. Domino F.C.
18. Fireproof Entertainment
19. Team Gillian Glover
20. Foreign Beggars
Some key facts about this year's tournament:
When? Thursday 17th July 2008
Where? Battersea Park All-Weather complex, KO 2pm
How? Register your team with Richard on 020 7232 0008 / richard@miloco.co.uk
Why? Prizes include free studio time, champagne and trophies to make your mother proud
Wicked! Apres-tournament alcohol will be enjoyed in excess in a local boozer
To register you'll need to complete our Application Form. As well as a few important bits, it includes such invasive questions as 'Will your team be training for more than 5 minutes?', 'What's your team's motto?' and 'Which player is most likely to fluff it in a penalty shoot-out?' so we can get to know a bit more about all the budding competitors.
Please note: when you sign up your team we'll need to take your Credit Card details and if you don't turn up on the day you'll be charged a £50 cancellation fee. Sorry about this, but it's a necessary step as teams have failed to turn up in the past, consequently driving a cart through all our delicate preparations.
Some rules:
1. No football boots or trainers with blades - the pitches are Astroturf and the referees are very strict: normal-sole trainers ONLY. Shin-pads are of course designed to prevent pain, so we reckon you should wear them.
2. No drinking or smoking inside the courts. There will of course be plenty of free booze on offer, but please keep your necking outside the pitches. Sticky pitches = angry groundstaff = no more football tournaments :-(
3. Miloco's own team is bloody awful, however we are allowed to go the full way if the opportunity presents itself. We consider match-fixing a serious crime against sporting contest, and will ALWAYS lead by example to stamp this horrible element to the game firmly out.
4. It's 5-a-side but you'll want a few subs. It's thirsty work. We recommend squads of around 7 or 8. Substitutions can be made as often and frequently as teams wish.
5. Please bring matching kits for all your team members. We've got some horrific bibs if needed, but, let's be honest, few folk like the decade-old sweat of strangers close to their skin, not to mention the fact that you won't want to be seen dead in one of these horrible fluorescent things.
6. The area. Outfield players can't enter the area. Goalkeepers can't leave their area. Freekicks and penalties awarded as a result (just ask Roll Deep).
7. Discipline. Someone will no doubt be red-carded, we accept it is part of the game. However, having got to know these refs over the last 5 years, you are warned that red cards will almost certainly provoke them to try and suspend you from further participation. Whether they succeed or not is probably down to the calibre of your charm.
8. Height of balls. You'll be pleased to hear that last year we managed to rid the refs of their "no balls above head-height" nonsense. So boot it to the moon for all we care.
9. Referees. Please respect the decisions of the referees.
So that's it for now. Stay posted for more info and rules as they are either made clear to us, or made up by us.
Cheers,
Miloco Sports Inc. xx